So you’ve met a hot guy and are getting ready for gay dating but there is a lot to worry about with such an important first date. You are as prepared as possible for a romantic evening. The first date isn’t always easy, especially if you’ve recently ended a serious relationship.
There are some gay dating pros and cons. If you get carried away with a hot match and light flirt, you may miss some warning signs that will tell you that he is not the hero of your love story. It is fine if it is just about the incompatibility of character, although this is also extremely important. But, carried away by romance, you may not consider whether your chosen one is an abuser or a guy who uses you only for sex.
We have selected several important signs for gay dating, paying attention to which you can understand whether this man is right for you or whether you should avoid a relationship with him. Stay tuned for the red flags to avoid and a dating guide for mature gay men.
Talking about his Ex
There is nothing wrong with touching on the topic of ex-boyfriends. On the first date, you both may say something like “my past relationship lasted for several years and reached a dead end” or “the breakup was not easy for me.”
If a guy tells in detail what happened wrong, speaks rudely about his ex-partner, blames him for all the difficulties, it is not a good sign. Or he praises his ex for too long and broadcasts the idea that there is definitely no such a wonderful man in the world. This does not mean anything good.
In the first case, it becomes clear that the person is not critical of himself. He is used to shifting responsibility onto others. In the second, perhaps he still has feelings for another man and hopes to renew their relationship.
If he’s letting you know that he’s just ended a long-term relationship, think about whether he is ready for a new gay dating experience? After all, we rarely forget about great love a week after the breakup. Perhaps you are just a way for him to forget and relieve stress.
Comments and Nagging
Have you heard a rude remark about your clothes, hairstyle, being five minutes late? Finish your wine or coffee, say goodbye, and try your luck again on gay dating websites. Such statements at the beginning of a relationship are a hint of an abuser. Perhaps you are fascinated by a new partner’s sexy muscles and charming smile and do not notice the obvious things.
It happens that a man looks interested and nice to you but finds fault with everything around him. For example, the lighting in the bar is not bright enough, and the waiter did not smile, the beer was not cold enough, the chair is not cozy… People who tend to concentrate on the bad rarely enjoy life and tend to be abusive in relationships.
He Stares at Other Guys
If during a nice conversation, you notice that the guy is often distracted, following strangers with his eyes, and loses the topic of the conversation, then you should think about it.
Two options are possible here. Either he is not into you, or he is tuned in only to mature gay dating for sex and will not start any serious relationship. And if the first option is normal, although unpleasant, then the second can break your heart. But the guy may probably just try to increase his importance in your eyes. Do you need it? This behaviour will not be limited to the first date but continues as long as you are together.
He Tries to Act like a Straight Guy
It’s one thing not to show your orientation at every step, although this is no longer unusual. But it’s different to try to pretend person he’s not. See how he behaves in the company of straight guys. If he tries in every possible way to show that he is the same, supports jokes about gays. Or jokes like that himself, this is a serious reason to think about dating such a partner.
If a person cannot accept himself and is afraid to be who he is, this will lead to several problems in your future relationship. It will be unpleasant for you to listen to such jokes and observe such behaviour.
These same red flags can also apply to interracial gay dating.
Your partner should accept yourself and you as you are, without trying to avoid it, criticize, or laugh it off.
He Looks Into the Phone All the Time
A guy physically cannot concentrate on a conversation with you, food, a movie, or music without checking his smartphone every two minutes. What’s so interesting there? Is he watching social media, texting friends, or hanging out on gay dating apps with other guys?
A man’s ability to focus on your potential relationship on a first date when you’re just trying to establish communication clearly shows how much he will be emotionally involved in them later.
Why do you need a guy who is distracted by everything but you?
He is Rude with Other People
Rude to your roommate, waiter, fellow traveller on the bus, and everyone you meet. We’re talking about situations in which you can do without rudeness, but your match will find many reasons to quarrel.
First dates are stressful enough, but if your boyfriend reacts to positive emotions in this way, what happens when something unpleasant occurs? Or does he just have a quick temper? You might even like his explosive temper on the first date, but think about whether you want to build a relationship with someone who will yell about anything?
We’ve all had negative gay online dating and relationship experiences. Probably, everyone has come across this situation: you start dating a guy, everything seems to be great, and then it turns out that he is a jerk. You say, “Well, I didn’t know that! I believed that everything would work out for us. He didn’t tell me on the first date that he was a jerk.”
It is often possible to identify a good guy from a heartbreaker, or worse, an abuser on the first date. Or just understand that this is not your type of man. We hope that our gay dating advice will help you avoid disappointment and meet a great match. The most important thing is not to dive into passion headlong. Try to appropriately assess your match and draw the right conclusions.
Please share your experience in the comments below. What red flags have you noticed on your dates? How do you think you can immediately identify the good guy or the one that is not for you?
6 Signs of an Unhealthy Sex Life in a Gay Relationship
In matters of sexual life, the concept of the norm is quite extensive. Even in a gay relationship. What some consider common may be unacceptable to others. Several important principles, such as safety, regularity, and mutual attraction, apply to any situation.
Many psychological factors can influence sex in the life of any gay couple. If stress issues can be solved with a reasonable approach, then there are several non-obvious but alarming signs that you have an unhealthy sex.
What is unhealthy sex, and what makes sex unhealthy?
We’ve picked out a few signs of gay sex problems that are important whether you’ve recently met your partner on the best dating sites or have been living together for many years.
1. You Don’t Get Pleasure
Considering how many risks are associated with an unhealthy sex, it would be a shame not to enjoy the process. Therefore, it is logical that you shouldn’t do it for reasons of pity or because in a relationship, “it is necessary.”
Let’s emphasize that this isn’t about the fact that any act should instantly cause joy and end with an orgasm to be healthy. Sometimes it’s perfectly normal to feel tired or not aroused. The main thing is to recognize these sensations and not force yourself to do something that doesn’t give pleasure.
2. You Are Scared
A toxic feeling of fear can seriously poison life, including sex. This problem’s solution is in understanding the reasons. For example, suppose the fears are related to the experience of violence or any other unhealthy sexual behavior. In that case, it is worth discussing and contacting a therapist. In a healthy relationship, partners help each other. Don’t be afraid of asking for help and understanding.
3. You Can’t Say No
This point is a bit like the previous one. The only difference is that inability to say “no” doesn’t mean there’s an unhealthy sex situation. In some cases, a person is simply embarrassed to refuse. What if he thinks that you are no longer interested or have lost desire? When it comes to a frank conversation, you may feel great relief. It turns out that there is nothing wrong with refusal. Mature gay dating just fills a void.
If you feel bad, worry about something, or just “have no time for it”, don’t hesitate to explain the situation. Sex isn’t the only option for intimacy. Perhaps right now, you just need to hug and talk.
4. You don’t Accept Refusal
Of course, respect for the right to say “no” is a mutual thing. But if your partner refuses to have sex, you shouldn’t get angry, annoyed, and upset. Just like you, your boyfriend may get tired, anxious about news or work, and feel a lack of energy. Rejection doesn’t mean that you are no longer loved or there’s no passion. And if one of you has decreased sexual desire, you should talk about it or even consult a doctor.
5. You Are Not Satisfied With the Amount of Sex
There is no “norm” for the amount of sex that is the same for everyone. Although, according to some reports, weekly sex was correlated with the greatest feelings of happiness in stable gay couples. Is having too much sex unhealthy? There are people among us who need a lot more or less sex. Libido is an individual thing, and its decrease or increase can depend on many factors.
If it isn’t enough for you, don’t blame your partner and don’t put pressure on him, remembering the right of each person to say “no” and avoid unhealthy sex addiction. If your desire mismatch becomes critical, you may need to talk to a professional.
6. You Are Shy About Discussing Sex
Openness and the ability to communicate are essential signs of a healthy relationship, and talking about sex also applies here. Don’t rely on intuition. It isn’t so easy to guess what exactly a person wants, so asking a question and getting an answer is much easier.
Of course, talking about sex can be awkward and uncomfortable. And yet, you don’t need to be silent about your desires or about what bothers you. The intimate conversation is another way to bond.
Talk to Your Partner
If you experience any of the above signs of an unhealthy sex, talk to your partner. If you are unable to solve problems on your own, try contacting a specialist. The main and useful thing is taking the problems under control.
Have you had any experience with one of the problems listed above? How did you deal with them?